Friday, April 1, 2011

New, Unified Blog

Thank you all for reading "Going Forward Without A Map". I've decided to unify my blogging efforts in my Tumblr blog. Please feel free to check out Scavenger Hunt. Thanks!

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Cœurs Brisés

In my opinion, longing, loneliness and broken-heartedness feel the same, whether you're gay, straight, bi, trans, cis, inter, two-spirited, pansexual or whatever. The heart has longings that are often unmet. I feel for you.

On an unrelated note, I'm considering migrating this blog and merging it with my Tumblr photo blog. Any thoughts?

Monday, March 28, 2011

Facebook Depression

I read today psychologists have noted a phenomenon called "Facebook Depression." Essentially, viewing friends' profiles, with their smiling photos, and their posts about their activities gives one a skewed view of the world. One compares one's own life not to the actual lives of others, but to their lives as posted on Facebook. Suddenly, one feels like a loser, with a relatively uninteresting and unenjoyable life.

I've experienced this, somewhat with Facebook, and a whole lot with Tumblr. All the beautiful photos of the beautiful people doing beautiful things on Tumblr tends to depress me after a while. I need a Tumblr diet. Or a total internet diet.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Brief Reading Note

I finally got through Dante (I read Inferno at a loping pace, dragged through Purgatorio, and made a mad, mad dash through Paradiso—which I will regret, I'm sure) and I'm likely to finish up the British sci-fi novel Point today. I've got stacks of books in ten different subjects waiting for me, but I'm not sure which one to read next. To be honest, I really need a day or three to catch up on my magazine reading.

I have waiting for me two issues of Inside Lacrosse, two issues of The New York Review of Books, the winter 2011 issue of Winq, an issue of Monocle, and an issue of Inked. (I won't even mention the surfing magazines commemorating Andy Irons and celebrating Kelly Slater). It will take awhile to get through all the interesting and relevant articles piled up in these magazines on my coffee table.

Monday, March 21, 2011

The World... still turning.

Relationship FAIL

You know, I really hate the fact that my last long-term relationship was with a narcissist. It sort of highlights in neon-bright colors the my abysmal record of failure in relationships. I'm lead to ask: is there really something wrong with me that I get into bad and/or doomed relationships? Am I simply incapable of finding/co-creating a lasting, stable, good relationship? Am I attracted to the wrong kind of men? Am I the wrong kind of man?

I suppose I need to find my purpose and meaning in something other than relationships, but I have to admit that even the most fascinating intellectual pursuits do not carry the emotional oomph that relationships do. Is there anything in life I can be as passionate about as love?

Moleskine Tip

If you use Moleskine® notebooks, and you add some artwork to the cover, I suggest not spraying fixative over the artwork. It turns into a tacky mess. You could use it to remove cat hair from your clothes, LOL.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

How to Reject, How to Take Rejection

How to Reject:

If someone shows his interest in you, and you do not feel the same, the best thing to do is simply to let the person know that you are flattered, but not interested. Expect him to be mature, and go on. If he isn't mature, that's his problem. Drama is always counterproductive. Always.

How to Take Rejection:

If someone you are interested in rejects you, move on. Yes, it hurts, but life is full of pain, and surviving is all about learning to accept the pain and moving on. I won't say something trite like, "There are plenty of fish in the sea." That actually may not be true. But there is more to life than sex, love and romantic relationships. And I suggest pursuing those other things.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Get Stronger

Survive. Get stronger. Care. (That last one is the hardest, maybe.)

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Instead of Another Bad Romance, I Need a Rad Bromance

Having survived the warfare of love, and convalesced in the hospice of taking care of myself, I believe I have arrived at some new insights. Not only have I been looking for love in all the wrong places; I would have done better not to look for love at all, at least not in the traditional sense. I don't need a romance—I need a bromance.

I need someone to go shopping with, to help me figure out which home improvements to make, to hang out at the bar with, and most of all to go to soccer and lacrosse matches with (heck, I'd even go to see hockey and basketball games, as a trade off). A pal, a bud, a dude to chill with. He could be gay, bi or straight—it wouldn't matter because sex would not be a factor.* As long as he is a decent, stand-up guy, and we can get along, I think it would be fun.

And fun is the key. True, I want friends in my life to help me carry the burdens of living—the horrors of the daily grind, the heartaches of loss, etc. But I strongly suspect that the persons best suited to help carry the burdens are also the ones who most adeptly help one lighten the loads by lightening up. Relationships should be fun.

So I'm going forward looking for good friends, people worthy of investing time away from myself alone. I know they are out there. I just haven't had my eyes sighted correctly.

*Years of singleness and a handful of atrocious hook-ups have taught me to be sexually self-contained.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

I Am an Empath - Empathy Is Almost Completely Useless

Among people who have known me for a while, I present a quandary: how can such a “nice guy” be such a jerk sometimes? I think I have an explanation. Please bear with me (or not, and navigate away from this page).

I am an empath. This makes me next to useless in dealing with human problems. Next to, but not completely. Let me explain. When a person is in pain, physical or psychological, what she or he really wants is sympathy and understanding. With sympathy and understanding, the person gets heard, and if needed, has solutions offered (or at least methods of dealing with the pain if it cannot be eliminated). Sympathy leads to aid.

Empathy does not. Empathy is identification with the pain. A sympathetic person knows what pain feels like, but is at a remove from it, and therefore can offer an ear, a word of advice, etc. In empathy, however, the pain is felt. And if the pain is debilitating to the original feeler, it can be likewise debilitating to the empath. When I hear of physical or psychological pain, I feel it. I then have the choice either to allow the feelings to continue (and therefore eat up an hour or a day), or shut them out entirely and move on.

Being with others, and being with their pain wipes me out. It renders me either useless, or cold. Since I prefer functionality most of the time, I come across as cold and distant.

Of course, at times being cold and distant are very useful, as in crisis management. I can distance myself enough (at times) to coolly figure out what needs to happen next. This can be very helpful. Dr. House is an ass, but if I had a medical mystery going on, unlike my mother I’d want someone like him on the case. A rational distance is much more helpful than a sloppy closeness.