I've been thinking about love, lust, sex and relationships. I wonder how much my desire for sex sabotages my search for love, and vice-versa.
If I didn’t want to find a relationship, I’d probably pursue sex with others more aggressively. Even at my age, it isn’t that difficult to find willing sex partners. However, the ones who seem interested in me for sex I intuit pretty quickly as being someone I wouldn’t want to date. Therefore 999 times out of a 1,000 I don’t even bother to hook up with them. I’m happy to receive the affirmation that comes with their flirtation/eye contact, but I really don’t want to put out the energy for such a small return.
On the other hand, I think if I let myself do without sex more I’d have more drive to find a partner. I take care of myself a little too aggressively, perhaps. As a result, most of what I see during the day I don’t notice. I suspect there are guys out there who would make good partners whom I never even notice. But do I have to go totally celibate to find them?
The fact is that I have no clue how to find a partner. The last three men with whom I had long-term relationships I met randomly. No one has successfully schooled me on how to meet good men for dating and relationships. Yet as I approach 50, this issue takes on greater urgency.